How do I co-parent with a difficult ex?

Focus on what you can control: your own behavior and responses. Use written communication to reduce conflict, keep discussions strictly about the children, and consider parallel parenting (minimal direct contact) if co-parenting isn't possible. A family therapist or parenting coordinator can help establish boundaries and communication strategies.

Should children have a say in custody arrangements?

Children's preferences may be considered, especially as they get older, but custody decisions should be made by adults with the child's best interests in mind. Avoid putting children in the position of choosing between parents. Courts may consider a child's wishes as one factor among many, typically starting around age 12-14, depending on jurisdiction.

How do we handle holidays and special occasions?

Plan ahead and put agreements in writing. Common approaches include alternating holidays each year, splitting the day, or celebrating on different days. Flexibility helps—focus on creating positive memories rather than "winning" specific dates. What matters most to children is quality time with each parent, not the exact timing.

Effective Co-Parenting After Divorce: A Complete Guide

Divorce ends a marriage, but it doesn't end parenting. Co-parenting effectively after divorce requires intentional effort, clear communication, and an unwavering focus on your children's well-being. Here's how to make it work.

The Foundation of Successful Co-Parenting

Put Children First—Always

This sounds obvious, but it's harder in practice. Putting children first means:

Making decisions based on what's best for them, not what's easiest for you
Keeping adult conflicts away from children
Supporting your child's relationship with their other parent
Prioritizing stability and routine in your children's lives

Separate Your Roles

You're no longer partners, but you're still co-parents. Learning to separate these roles is essential:

As ex-partners: You may have unresolved feelings, disagreements, or hurt
As co-parents: You share the goal of raising healthy, happy children

Keep parenting discussions focused on the children. Save other issues for therapy, friends, or your attorney.

Communication Strategies

Keep It Business-Like

Treat co-parenting communication like a professional relationship:

Be clear and concise
Stick to relevant topics (schedules, health, school, activities)
Use written communication when possible for important matters
Keep emotions out of logistics

Choose Your Battles

Not everything needs to be a discussion. Ask yourself:

Does this affect my child's health or safety?
Is this truly important, or just different from how I'd do it?
Will fighting about this help my child?

Different households may have different rules, and that's often okay.

Use Technology Wisely

Many co-parents find apps helpful for:

Shared calendars
Expense tracking
Message documentation
Scheduling changes

Written communication also provides a record if disputes arise later.

Creating Consistency

Align on the Big Things

While small differences between households are normal, try to align on:

Bedtimes and sleep routines (generally)
Homework expectations
Screen time limits
Discipline approaches
Major rules and boundaries

Transition Smoothly

Transitions between homes can be stressful for children. Help by:

Being on time for exchanges
Keeping goodbyes brief and positive
Avoiding interrogating children about the other home
Allowing children to bring comfort items between homes
Giving children time to adjust after transitions

Handling Difficult Situations

When You Disagree

Disagreements will happen. When they do:

1. Take time to cool down before responding 2. Try to understand the other parent's perspective 3. Focus on solutions, not blame 4. Consider mediation for persistent issues 5. Remember: compromise isn't losing

When There Are New Partners

New relationships add complexity. Guidelines:

Introduce new partners gradually and thoughtfully
Don't rush children into accepting new relationships
Keep co-parenting communication between co-parents
Respect boundaries about new partners and parenting decisions

When Problems Persist

If co-parenting conflicts continue:

Consider family mediation
Work with a family therapist
Use parenting coordinators if available in your area
Document ongoing issues if necessary
Seek legal guidance for serious concerns

Supporting Your Children

Let Them Love Both Parents

Children need permission to love both parents without guilt. This means:

Never speaking negatively about the other parent in front of children
Not putting children in the middle of adult conflicts
Encouraging (or at least not discouraging) the other parent-child relationship
Keeping children out of legal and financial disputes

Watch for Signs of Stress

Children may struggle with divorce even years later. Watch for:

Changes in behavior or mood
Declining school performance
Social withdrawal
Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches)
Sleep problems
Regression to younger behaviors

If you notice these signs, consider professional support for your child.

Maintain Open Communication

Let your children know they can talk about their feelings:

Create safe spaces for conversation
Listen without judgment
Validate their emotions
Avoid making them feel responsible for adult problems
Consider family or individual therapy if needed

Building a Better Future

Effective co-parenting benefits everyone:

Children develop security and healthy relationship models
Parents reduce stress and conflict in their lives
Extended family maintains important relationships
Future relationships aren't burdened by ongoing conflict

It takes time, patience, and commitment—but it's worth it for your children's sake.

When Supervised Visitation Is Involved

If your co-parenting situation involves supervised visitation, additional considerations apply:

Follow all court orders and supervision guidelines
Support the visitation process even if you have concerns
Document issues appropriately through proper channels
Work toward the eventual goal of normal co-parenting if appropriate

Visit Proof helps families navigate supervised visitation with professional documentation, scheduling, and reporting tools that make the process smoother for everyone involved.

Effective Co-Parenting After Divorce: Putting Children First